What is your definition of beauty?

Today, I went to the SIA interview because I had not applied for any full time jobs yet and since I'm free, why not right? This is my second time trying this year, the very first time I went was in May with Sherms and Sharm and I didn't get through even the first round. Even thou I didn't had the "perfect" figure, I thought I could stand a chance with my personality. Plus honestly, it's not like I'm severely overweight or tragic looking, so there is still a chance that I could have passed the interview, for afterall, I'm a marketer, I should be good with my words (at least for the first round la).The first time, out of 10 people there were 6 people selected to go thru the first round and what I deduced is that there were far more outstanding people than me, and my nerves got me in the end and I sounded nervous, and hence I was not selected. At that point of the time I didn't thought much of it as the main reason was just to accompany Sherms.

This time round, I managed to get through the first round, but unfortunately, I failed at the height segment. By just 0.5cm. It's a pity really! I thought I was more than 1.58cm but turns out I'm only 157.5? Should have just tip toed or something hahaha. Anyway, my main takeaway with this is that, beauty is not only defined for being stick thin and "pretty". I believe that the reason why I got thru is because of the way I presented myself. "Pretty" is such an ambiguous word. Everyone's definition of beauty is different and I think that what's most important is that you need to love yourself. Today, the girl sitting beside me was asking me why did I decide to try out for the interview again, and I told her, that it's because right now, I'm at a stage where I'm confident of myself. I actually did lose 2kg from the last time I weighed myself and it is a slow but steady achievement. Sure, I still have fats bulging out of my tummy and I still got no thigh gap, but I lose weight, I feel fitter and healthier, and I feel much happier and confident as compared to a month back.

The other day at Celebrity Fitness, we were given the opportunity to have a personal trainer conduct a one to one session with us. We took our weight with this special machine where they will calculate the body fats percentage, the muscle mass percentage etc.The personal trainer was telling me how I use my arms more than my legs (which I thought was strange cos I always thought I use my legs more than my arms) and that I am considered overweight. And then he proceed to ask me questions like how many Kg do I want to lose, how many months I want to lose them and how desperate on a scale of 1 - 10 I want to lose them. It took me a moment to think my answer cos I was still reeling in the fact that I managed to lose 2kg from all the exercising that I've been doing Haha. So anyways I told him that I want to lose 5kg by 3 months (initially I said a year and you should have seen his scandalized face HAHA. Apparently a year is too long to lose 5kg?) and that I rate myself a 7 in wanting to lose those weight and he's like "WHYYY?!" as if its a bad thing that I'm not desperate to lose them. And then he continued by saying that if I really want to be skinny and lose weight, I need to go on a diet. I'm sure he meant well when he said all these (and also perhaps silently praying that all these things he mentioned will make me sign him as my Personal trainer) but I was pretty miffed when he make it sound as if its an ugly thing to be fat. Honestly I think that I'm more of curvy rather than fat? I'M NOT THAT BAD LA but he really made me sound tragic.

I guess what I really want to say is that, I don't think being super skinny equates to beautiful and that what matters most is that you need to learn to love yourself. Yes, being skinny will definitely open many doors and opportunities, but it's not like everyone can lose weight and be super model-like pretty, you just have to know where's the limit? Say for example, my target weight calculated by the weighing machine is 54kg. But seriously, if you've met me, you'll know for sure that 54kg is kinda a far stretch for my physique as I'm pretty heavy on the top. We have to be realistic about things sometimes la. Haha. 

I'm still in the process of learning how to self love of course, but yeahhh, getting there. Getting there

I'm gonna end this post with two quotes I saw online while searching for self-love quotes which I thought pretty much explains what I wanna say here! :)

"To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance." Oscar Wilde

"One of the best guides to how to be self-loving is to give ourselves the love we are often dreaming about receiving from others. There was a time when I felt lousy about my over-forty body, saw myself as too fat, too this, or too that. Yet I fantasized about finding a lover who would give me the gift of being loved as I am. It is silly, isn’t it, that I would dream of someone else offering to me the acceptance and affirmation I was withholding from myself. This was a moment when the maxim “You can never love anybody if you are unable to love yourself” made clear sense. And I add, “Do not expect to receive the love from someone else you do not give yourself.”" Bell hooks

xx 

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